There has been a LOT going on lately with the Cox Tribe. Many positives.
Caleb is adjusting to kindergarten very well! He continually cracks me up when he comes home exclaiming the latest “bad boy transgression” (meaning the boy in his class that is B-A-D)…..this boy gets “on red” daily…..Caleb does not understand WHY this boy cannot follow the rules. FYI for those of you that do not know what “on red” means….there are 5 steps to red…..green (everyone starts on green for the day), then as you do not follow rules the colors progress in this order…..blue, yellow, orange…RED. This particular bad boy likes to bite people and poke them in the eye. I can sympathize with bad boy’s mom…..Cory routinely stayed on RED in Kindergarten, although he was not a biter, he just did not follow class rules.
Chloe loves her pre-K class but misses her brother in chapel on Tuesdays. She does love the amount of independence that she has as the only Cox kid at pre-K now. She also enjoys her new status as mom’s ONLY sidekick on MWF. We make quite the team. Donald is a bit afraid of our teamwork though, because we both LOVE to shop! LOL.
Cory is excelling! Loves tennis and plays 4x a week. Is doing well in his classes. Seems to have finally learned that IF I hear about something that needs to be redone…..it is better to go ahead and re do it……than be asked about WHY he hasn’t redone it yet. This is a major milestone. He is also learning to drive. He actually asks to drive now…whereas a month ago we were debating selling his jeep because he refused to drive…
Our business is flourishing! We are in the midst of hiring new front office help and bookkeepers. This is an awesome problem to have. However, the eighteen hour days are draining on Donald and me.
I am back to teaching Sunday School and managing the crazy Cox calendar. Organizing our neighborhood to pressure the city to take action to add traffic calming solutions for our street ASAP.
With all of these blessings it is difficult for anyone to understand why I would be crashing…..but that is what happened last night. Sometimes I get overwhelmed…..I get wound up tight and basically explode into a screaming tantrum throwing sobbing total mess. That happened last night…….
The proverbial straw was that Cory did not do a decent job emptying the bathroom trash. Which sounds like I totally lost it for NO reason…..well, there was trash still in the trash can….after he emptied it….there was trash on the floor that he dropped and did not pick up…..just left there……and after 12 straight hours of instructing, asking nicely the first 4x each time I had a request for any of the children…….thas was IT. I yelled at him…. then I texted Donald and “yelled” at him…..then he came home and I told him I was beyond frustrated…..as I sobbed for over an hour……I told him about the muffin that was in our bathroom……one of the kids left it there 4 days ago…..I left it there to see “who” would take the initiative to throw it away…….no one did…..I threw it away last night. I told him that it seems like no one hears me. That I try my very best to be patient and kind and request instead of direct……..but the 4th time I have to request…….is the tipping point. Yesterday was full of tipping points…..
I told Cory when I was pregnant with Chloe that there would come a day when I would be outnumbered and tired and that the kids would win…..thinking naively of course that sweet Cory would be on my side…years down the road and that he would not succumb to the throws of adolescence…..Cory was not on my side….he was FIRMLY on the oppositions side……and
THEY BROKE ME.
They did not understand that they broke me but they BROKE me. The SUPERMOM CRASH happened.
I am still frustrated that I had a meltdown….I am still ashamed that I lost my composure in front of my children….but stuff happens……IT happened last night…it was ugly and it is finished…..so today as I took the kids to school I hugged them tighter than usual and kissed them more than normal and told them I loved them many more times than necessary……but THEY KNOW THAT ANYWAY.
I came home and went back to bed, determined that I would wake up with a better outlook and I HAVE.
Being a SAHM is not easy…….I have said it before a 1000 times. There are so many more demands for your time…..because you are a SAHM you must have NOTHING TO DO…..that is SO WRONG…..I manage 3 children schedules that include….tennis x3, gymnastics x2, extra curricular activities x3, homeroom mommy x2, chauffeur for drama class x1, play tennis, lead a Bible study, attend another, moderate a committee at church, serve on session at church, serve on another committee at church, teach Sunday school, oh and try to maintain my personal friendships and attend to my husband (that is working way too much) and home (that never seems to be clean)….. , I “hands on” raise my children, I organize sitters, I grocery shop, I clothes shop, I barter, I accept hand me downs, I search for the absolute best possible deal on anything I purchase….be it a week at a condo, a new toy, a pair of shoes……there are NO spontaneous purchases….
When I “worked” —-you know that paying job I had several years ago…..my days were filled with work and then I was a part time mommy at night….bottom line. I did not do it all… Cory and Brad did not have every opportunity that the younger kids do, but they survived and are flourishing.
I do not pretend to think either way is better…..I have been on both sides of the mommy wars…. but I promise you that I work harder now than I ever did when I had a paying job…….I reap many many more rewards as well. My family is such a blessing to me……sometimes you have to crash to see that for all it is worth.